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1001+ Funny Golf Quotes Book by New York Times Bestselling Author Marc Ostrofsky with Gary McCord - Golf Book Cover

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1001+ Funny Golf Quotes

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"The only thing consistent about my golf game is my inconsistency."
— Marc Ostrofsky
"I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it’s called an eraser."
— Arnold Palmer
"The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie."
— Mickey Mantle
"You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket."
— Lee Trevino
"It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course."
— Hank Aaron

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Authors of 1001+ Funny Golf Quotes Book Gary McCord and Marc Ostrofsky

About the Authors

Get to Know the Authors

Gary McCord’s iconic mustache along with his sense of humor are recognized throughout the golf community. He has teamed up with internet entrepreneur Marc Ostrofsky to launch the funniest book of golf quotes ever. Marc Ostrofsky is a New York Times best-selling author and avid golfer. Despite their success—or lack thereof—on the golf course, they both understand the frustrations of the sport and that a sense of humor is required to stay sane.

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About the Book

1001+ Funny Golf Quotes

We have assembled the largest collection of funny golf quotes in the world, and selected the funniest quotes to release in our book, 1001+ Funny Golf Quotes by Marc Ostrofsky and Gary McCord.

This book of funny golf quotes, puns, and sarcastic jokes makes the perfect gift for every golfer, and will keep you rolling with laughter through the next 18 holes and beyond.

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1001+ Funny Golf Quotes Book by New York Times Bestselling Author Marc Ostrofsky with Gary McCord - Golf Book Cover

Your new favorite book, by par.

Image of a putter preparing to putt a golf ball into the hole inches away, with the funny golf quote: "It's a marriage. If I had to choose between my wife and my putter, well, I'd miss her." —Gary Player

Laugh Out Loud Quotes

Golf is a frustrating sport that results in some downright hilarious comments—from professional golfers and world leaders, to amateur golfers and funny things overheard on the golf course.

Cartoon drawing of two men on a golf course, with one saying to the other, "I'm not insulting your golf game, I'm describing it."

Unique Golf Cartoons

We have designed a handful of custom cartoons with our funny golf quotes that you can’t find anywhere else! You will find the full collection in our upcoming book. Make sure to subscribe to our list for book updates!

Image of a golf course with the funny golf quote, "A golf course is a site to be holed."

Tee-riffic Puns

Who doesn’t love a good pun? And if you’re here, you clearly like golf. So if you love all kinds of golf humor from dad jokes to sarcasm and everything in between, make sure you’re on the list to get this book!

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Image of a golfer filling out his scorecard, with the quote: "Do you know what it means to open up your scorecard and see pars and birdies? It means you've got the wrong scorecard." —Bruce Lansky
Close-up image of a gloved hand of a golfer picking up a golf ball from the grass, with the funny golf quote, "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." —Jack Lemmon
Image of a Scottish golf course with a lighthouse in the background, and a funny golf quote that reads, "Based on how you keep score, it will take three fine shots to get there in two, sir." —A Scottish Caddy
Image of a golf course at sunset with the quote, "Golf and Sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it." —Jimmy Demaret
Image of pro golfer Ben Crenshaw swinging his golf club, with the quote: "I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right." —Ben Crenshaw
Image of a golf club with 10 golf balls behind it in the grass, and a funny golf quote that reads, "A great day on a golf course is when you find more balls than you lose." —Marc Ostrofsky
Image of a group of golfers carrying their golf bags while walking across the fairway, and a quote that reads, "Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad." —A.A. Milne
Image of three golfers pushing their golf bags on a golf course, with the quote: "When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit." —Every Golfer's Wife
Image of pro golfer and Instagram influencer Paige Spiranac with her quote, "Golf is my therapy and also the reason I need therapy." —Paige Spiranac
Image of a frustrated golfer just after putting, with his golf ball still sitting several inches from the hole. The quote reads, "When I was growing up, I always dreamed about being a golfer. Now I realize I should have been more specific." —Marc Ostrofsky
Image of a bolt of lightning behind a golf course, with the quote: "If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him." —Bob Hope
Image of pro golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez, and his quote, "I don't fear death but I sure don't like those 3-footers for par." —Chi Chi Rodriguez
Image of a male golfer mid-swing and a funny golf quote that reads, "It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad to lose it." —Jack Nicklaus
Image of a golf ball laying inches from the hole, and a funny golf quote that reads, "I didn't miss the putt. I made the putt. The ball missed the hole!" —Peter Jacobsen

Author Marc Ostrofsky has been seen in

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1001+ Funny Golf Quotes Book by New York Times Bestselling Author Marc Ostrofsky with Gary McCord - Golf Book Cover

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